Monday, November 24, 2008

Well Thanksgiving is this week!

I am all ready. I have the turkey, the ingredients for my homestyle stuffing, potatoes, sweet potatoes, peas, beans, corn, plenty of flour and yeast for my dinner rolls, and the pecan pie ingredients are all ready to go.

All four of my kids are coming home this year, and the girls arrive tomorrow, with the boys arriving on Wednesday. Luckily, they are all staying in hotels, so I don't have to put anyone of them in the spare bedroom. Oh it will be so nice to see the kids again, as obnoxious as they are! Maybe my dead husband will come back to haunt us on Thanksgiving. Lord knows that man has come back to haunt me a few times! And you know, even in death, he still wants nookie!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Oh good Gawd, Dana is pregnant!

I cannot believe it, my youngest son, Steve, got his wife pregnant! My baby is having a baby! I don't know what to say! I am excited yet horrified at the same time. This means I will forever be stuck with Dana as a daughter in law! Gosh I remember the first time I met Dana's parents. I never met such ice pops! I remember it like it was yesterday, we were in their living room having some pound cake...

Dana: You know, mom, I never had a pound cake quite so moist!
Steve: Extremely moist...
Me: I found the tea rather moist as well!
Steve: Mom!
Me: What?! I can't be uncomfortable too?!

Oh well, I guess this year I ought to go out and buy Steve and Dana some baby things. I cannot imagine what Dana is like when she's tripped out on hormones. I can't stand her when she's at her best, ha! Poor Steve, he's in for a LONG nine months...!

Monday, November 17, 2008


I swear, Betty complains too much and, sometimes, it can backfire on her...take today at lunch for instance...

Betty: Oh girls, yesterday, I had to wait forever at the pharmacy drive-thru to refill my prescriptions, it was the worst feeling in the world!

Agnes: Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime.

Me (sipping my coffee): *snort *cough *cough!

Betty: I just sat there, hour after hour...

Agnes: -Tell me about it!

Me: Oh Lord, I think I just wet myself...

Friday, November 14, 2008

Why I hate the library.

So today I had to go back to the library, they sent me a fee notice in the mail and I have never, I repeat NEVER been late on returning any of my books! After 40 minutes of haggling back and forth they granted me a "one time courtesy waiver." (They acted like they really went out of their way to do this for me, and I've been a patron here for over 50 years!)

So I finally get my two bucks back and then I had to run to the restroom because my bowels are really active today. So here I am sitting on the can when this lady walks out and hits the lights on her way out! There I sat in the dark, shouting for someone to come in and turn on the lights. About ten minutes later someone finally came and asked what the commotion was. I told them that some dumb Braud turned the lights off on me, and next thing you know, this woman starts laughing at me! I held my tongue but thought, "How would you like me to wrap my stockings around your neck and choke the life out of you?!"

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Betty called.

And she's bringing me some of her homemade chicken soup. She made a big pot the other day and her husband is sick of eating it. I don't know what is wrong with that man! Betty's chicken soup is the best damn soup I ever ate in my life. My own mother would hate her for it!

Oh well, so I guess tonight won't be so bad after all, I'm still out of my favorite flavor of Nescafe, but then again, Betty's soup can always make a rainy day fun.

Today of all days...!

It's cold and rainy and the only thing that helps me through this weather is a hot cup of vanilla Nescafe with hazelnut creamer, but today when I went to the grocery store, they were out of both the creamer and the coffee?! What the hell?! Now what am I supposed to do? I have nothing good to sip on while I watch Matlock tonight! Bah Humbug!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Back by popular demand.

Well I am now back to being pink by popular demand. Honestly I wanted to change it because it reminded me of those Mary Kay sales nazis who never stop trying to recruit you to join their cult of consultants.

But, I am here to please you, children, so back to pink it is!


Ok, here's what's going on today:

- I need to go to the library and return my trashy romance novels, and check out another stack for the week.

- I need to run by Walgreens and get a refill on my prescription, and I need to pick up their sales flier and see what deals I can snag today.

-Then it's off to the grocer for some more Nescafe, vegetables, and my ingredients for my homemade vegetable beef soup (now that the weather is cooling off).

-And then tonight Agnes, Betty, and I are going out to the Olive Garden over in the Kansas City, Kansas side of the city.

Well I guess that's what I'd call a busy Saturday! Have a good day, kids, and whatever you do, don't buy store bought potato tastes awful and gives you the worst gas on the planet, LOOK OUT!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Wow, I can get service even in my basement now!

Kids, this new Verizon phone is fantastic! I can listen to Agnes' long stories even when I go down to my canning room for a jar of beans! I guess I won't be able to use the excuse of having no service to hang up on her anymore...a blessing and a curse!

Verizon is right, it is the network!

Ok, now if you all excuse me, I need to run down to the senior center. I am volunteering for today's luncheon which entails bingo afterwards! Hot damn I love being old!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Grandma's getting technical savvy!

So I decided to cancel my AT&T account and go with this Verizon service. They have this phone that is basically like a computer, and it even has Microsoft Windows on it! So I took the plunge and left AT&T today. And I must say, Agnes and Betty can hear me a lot better now, and I don't drop any calls! Wow...!

And you know, children, I did this all by myself too! Grandma's gettin' good at this!


Boycott USA Today! They suspended my online account because they did not like my opinions I was posting on there! I was combating ignorance and bigotry, how dare they cut me off!

Here is the email:

Madge Sinclair,

I work in the USA TODAY newsroom connecting readers and reporting, and I'm writing to let you know about an issue with your account on our site. Our moderators have suspended your account after determining your comments do not meet the community guidelines.
The site welcomes a broad array of perspectives in the community's conversations, and these differing opinions are what lead to strong and engaging discussions. But we require contributions that are respectful of an ongoing news conversation. Your comments violate the site guidelines against advertising and spam. Other readers correctly report these comments as abusive, and the moderators feel it is necessary to intervene. Thank you for your time.

Patrick Cooper
Network Editor

If you are as pissed about this as I am, then email Mr. Cooper at and tell him old ladies have the right to express themselves too. Hey, if people can get away with posting backward hillbillies opinions on their site, then why can't I come back with intelligent arguments?

I am canceling my subscription to the paper, it's a rip off anyways. 75 cents for a few pieces of color copy paper! Bah!


I hate driving!

Today I did not feel up to taking the bus to the grocery store so I drove my big boat of a car out there. Well not only did I fight long lines and suffer from inflated prices, the real bitter moment came when I was backing out of my parking spot.

Here I was taking up the road, trying to turn this big boat around to pull out of the lot, when a young whipper snapper in a truck came at me like a bat out of hell. He stopped in time, but he sure blared his horn at me and he yelled, "Get out of the way, geezer!"

So I did what any senior citizen with dignity and self-esteem did: I flipped him off and then took extra long to get out of his way!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

The showstopper, and then I need to get to bed!

Today is indeed a sad day...for Alaska's wildlife, because Caribou Barbie's coming back and she's pissed and wants red meat...

Congratulations President Obama!

I didn't think he'd win a landslide! I am shocked! McCain gave a wonderful concession speech, the true John McCain showed tonight, the one I wish would have ran this race, not the RNC's version of McCain.

God bless both Obama and McCain, it was a tough campaign for everyone.

To those of you who voted for McCain, we all need to pull together and work to make a better nation for us all. I am in my twilight years, so if we could all work together regardless of differences, I'd die a happy old gassy, sassy Braud.

Good night and God bless!


Madge Sinclair

I am watching the Election Results!

I am watching the News Hour with Jim Lehrer, and I've got a tray full of snacks and Maxine sleeping on the davenport next to me. What a night! I know they've made a lot of calls on who will win which state, but honestly, the show isn't over until the fat lady sings (as long as that fat lady isn't Roseanne Barr! I'd rather vote Republican than to hear that awful woman screech out another song!)

I'll see you tomorrow, may the best candidate win tonight! Amen! God bless America!!!

Election Day Luncheon at the Senior Center

It was a lot of fun. Betty and I continued our arguments over who will win. She voted for McCain and I voted for Obama. Betty's always been a staunch Republican, and I a staunch Democrat, but we are like sisters so we don't care. Agnes...well if she had a mind left, she'd be an independent. Fortunately, today I was able to sway her to vote my way but it took a LOT of work:

Me: Agnes, you're voting for Obama aren't you?
Agnes: No, I'm voting for Hillary Clinton because it's time for women to rule the country!
Me: Agnes, I agree with you, but Hillary ran in the primaries and lost, now it's between two men: Obama or McCain
Agnes: What?! Hillary is not running anymore?!
Me: She lost the primaries to Obama in June, haven't you been watching the news?
Agnes: Yes, just last night I saw that Dick Cheney endorsed Obama.
Me: Agnes, he endorsed McCain, not Obama!
Agnes: Gee, I thought it was strange that he would back a democrat, after all, he shoots at them for sport.
Me: Oh LORD have mercy! Look, if I drive you to the polls will you vote?
Agnes: Sure

***after she votes***

Agnes: Well I voted!
Me: Who did you vote for?
Agnes: I voted for Oprah!
Me: Oprah isn't running for president!
Agnes: Yes she is, I saw her name above John Wayne's! Oprah's running as a democrat and John is running as a republican, and as much as I loved John Wayne, I had to vote for Oprah!
Me: Agnes, we need to change your prescription, honey...


Go vote today, I don't care who you vote for (although if you want a suggestion...VOTE FOR OBAMA!!!!!)

Seriously, get your tails out there and vote, kids. Too many of our fellow Americans have died so that you could go vote! I've lived through so many wars now and we've lost a lot of our soldiers over the years. Go out and vote in their honor! And then, come on here and tell me you voted and I'll send you a free sample of my Beano stash! (I get an exclusive potent version of Beano guaranteed to knock the gas out of you!)

I voted at 6am sharp, for "That one."

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Well now that's done...!

I just finished putting away all my Halloween decorations for next year. I tell you, I am exhausted! It's not easy being the wicked witch of Kansas City, people expect you to put on a good show every year. Even Maxine has spent the whole morning in her puppy bed, she is so tired she didn't even respond when I offered her a treat!

Now, I am relaxing here sipping my Nescafe, but later I need to go dig out the Thanksgiving decorations and get those set up for later this month. Can you believe it's already November?! Where does the time go? Life like gas, eventually passes you buy...and not in a good way either! Thank the good LORD for beano! Excuse me...

A sassy, gassy, hip, old Braud from Kansas City cuts loose on the internet.