Monday, December 29, 2008

Thank God they're all gone!

I love my children and their spouses, BUT...

My old age is for ME, ME, ME!!!!

Dana was a lot nicer this Christmas, she even kissed me on the cheek and called me "mom." It took every bone in my body not to throw up, but I suppose I ought to be nice to her since she is carrying my son's baby.

Now, I saw my two grand kids from my oldest (who stayed in a hotel because she didn't want to burden me) and they are wonderful. It's something funny, my kids drive me nuts, yet my grand kids do not! Talk about ironic!

Anyways, my kids ate a lot, my grand kids played a lot, and I drank a lot. All in all, not a bad Christmas!

Now, bring on the New Year's celebrations! Agnes, Betty, and I are having a few gals over at my place for some gin rummy, champagne, and all the snacks you can eat! We will watch the ball drop at 11:59 p.m. Happy New Year!



p.s. Can you believe it?! One more year and we start a NEW decade! Oh God I am getting OLD, OLD, OLD! Hell, I can remember when we were counting down to the 1950s! Now before I know it, we will be counting down to the 2010s. Oh Lord have mercy!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

This is why I stay at home...

I stay home for my own safety...Here is why!

Not to mention...

You go to the movies, some psycho shoots you.
You go to the mall, some psycho shoots you.
You go to college, some psycho shoots you.
You go to work, some psycho shoots you.
You go on the bus/train/subway, some psycho shoots you, or blows you up.
You go grocery shopping, some psycho shoots you.
You go to Walmart, a herd of psychos run you over and trample you to death.

This is what happens when you don't subject people to a psychology test before giving them their guns. Normal healthy people who have guns are ok, they are responsible, but the rest of you out there... I am staying home because of you!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


Hi there kids,

How was your weekend? Mine was busy. I had to finish wrapping presents for my children who are coming later today, and I also had to get my groceries for Christmas dinner (which includes that all important aspirin for after I finish all that cooking). The house is ready to go with my Christmas knick knack collection, and today I am baking all of my Christmas cookies, pies, and cakes. Little Maxine has her Christmas bow on her dog collar and I let her unwrap her present early: a nice doggie bone and a bag of Beggin' Strips treats.

Now, if you all excuse me, I just heard my timer go off, I gotta go put my last batch of cookies in the oven!

Merry Christmas! I won't be able to update again until after the kids leave this weekend, so if I don't see you, kids, Merry Christmas!



Thursday, December 18, 2008

I found the perfect Wine blog!!

I just found the perfect wine blog by a young gal named Alpana. She has the most delicious recipe for mulled wine, which is an old holiday treat from my day! I just love her blog, and I encourage you to go visit it!

What Would Alpana Drink?

Happy Holidays and wine drinking!


Madge G. Sinclair

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas this year is for you to cook Christmas dinner for me so that I don't have to because my damn kids demand Martha Stewart style holiday banquets. (Damn you, Martha Stewart!) In exchange for this favor, Santa, I will refrain from calling up Mrs. Clause to tell her about our hot, tawdry love affair two years ago. Hey, you owe me, Santa. You remember that gift you gave me two years ago? Well it took two weeks of penicillin to get rid of it!

Merry Christmas!


Madge Sinclair (Your former squeeze)

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Christmas Cards, Bunyons, and Gas! Oh My!

Yes, it has been a busy week. I had to go in last Thursday for a minor foot operation, I had a bunyon the size of a half dollar on my left foot (which I think God gave me as a punishment for kicking a parishioner who cut in front of me at the Eucharist that Sunday).

So I was in bed all week recovering, which I used that time to finish off my Christmas cards and watch some dirty movies. My daughter came into town to help me and she was horrified when she learned that Betty brought me my dirty movies. Her exact words were, "Mother I can't believe you are watching this!" I told her, "Hey! What's the big deal?! Do you think I'm gonna go down to the senior center and find someone to do that with?!"

So to make a long story short she took away my movies and I had to watch Little House on the Prairie. That's ok. I got my revenge after two days of consuming beer and Fritos. I about gassed my darling daughter outta the house! That'll teach her to interupt me when I'm watching "Erotic Days of our Lives!"

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Oh Lord...!

I really wish Jesus would come back so that I don't have to mail out all these damn Christmas cards! Why, oh why do I have to know so many people? I already have arthritis bad enough as it is, my poor wrists will be shot after writing all 200 Christmas cards! Lord have mercy!

Meanwhile, I've been having a good laugh from the news that the Illinois governor was arrested for trying to sell off Barack Obama's seat in the senate. That governor is such a dumbass, hasn't he learned a thing from the Republicans?! You DON'T get busted for money scandals,instead, you get busted for sex scandels. That way, you can put on a show of remorse and say that you are an immoral pig and that you are going to Christian boot camp to "change" from your lewd ways. The Republicans are experts in this, after all, they are the Grand Old Perverts (GOP).

I tell you, it's just a world gone mad!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Sorry Kids!

I know I have not been on here in awhile. I had all four of my kids in town this last week and the last one didn't leave until yesterday. I have cooked, cleaned, shopped, talked, drank a ton of wine, and played gin rummy for the past 7 days straight! I drank so much wine after learning that Steve and Dana are planning on moving to Kansas City so that they can raise their kid near me. They want their baby to be around grandma (so they can get away with dumping all the hard work off on me!) I thought Dana was unusually nice this time around. I've heard of women changing completely when they get pregnant, but I never expected my conniving, sniveling, whining kvetch of a daughter-in-law to suddenly change into this kind, courteous, happy kind of gal. (Honestly, I feel like she was setting me up for a hit!)

Anyways, I've been in bed all day, and even though it is late, I just can't fall asleep. I need to go make myself a hot toddy, that always does the trick for me. Plus it will knock this slight cold I have out of me. I have lunch tomorrow with Agnes and Betty, and I am sure they too must be exhausted from Thanksgiving. Betty has six kids and they always stay with her instead of a hotel. Agnes has three kids, but they never come around, but lucky for her she is old and senile so she thinks she has company anyways. Besides, two of her kids are locked in a vendetta with each other, so we don't need to get blood on Agnes' nice rugs. (When the Italians say vendetta, they MEAN vendetta!)

Ok, I am getting tired, so I best be getting off here to sip on my hot toddy and dream about squeezing Kevin Kostner's tush. I have been having a major hot flash day, and right now I could almost hump a tree! If only I'd meet a man my age who still had the ability to go at it all night!! Lord have mercy!

A sassy, gassy, hip, old Braud from Kansas City cuts loose on the internet.