Sunday, April 27, 2008
The girl's director was there to oversee her first party, and let me tell you something, yes we did talk about makeup and cosmetics, but the director kept talking non-stop about how wonderful Mary Kay is and that all of us should become consultants so that we can get free cars. Of course, I rolled my ancient eyes at the idea, and then the director looked at me and said, "You know Madge, I know lots of older women who have become successful consultants. Just think, you could be financially independent with your own business!"
I looked at that leach and said, "I tell you how to get financially independent, ladies. Marry a rich bastard and pray he leaves you everything when he croaks."
I'm sorry, but I am too old for this shit. Mary Kay is all hype anyways. I knew a gal who earned the "free" pink cadillac, but when her sales slipped, Mary Kay took her car away. Everything they do has strings attached--in favor of Mary Kay, Inc. No thank you, I don't want to alienate my friends just to make a few dollars off of overpriced powders and creams.
Note to Mary Kay: Leave Madge Sinclair alone! I buy from Avon, not you. And I will never sell your crap, either.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Betty: You'd think they'd serve us concession here at our seats so we can stay awake.
Agnes: Well I can't tell which one's the Phantom, and which one's Christine. They're both ugly and they have long unkempt hair.
Me: At least you can see the Phantom's bulge. They don't make him wear tight pants for nothing!
Betty: Please, Madge! Take a cold shower.
Me: Hey, I was just making an observation. Watch how it bobs when he hits those high notes.
Agnes: Hey, I didn't know pepperoni was a part of the Phantom of the Opera.
Me: Agnes, honey, put on your bifocals
Agnes: WHOA! That makes me wish I were on stage with him!
Me: Well I give this opera a two thumbs down and one sausage up.
Betty: I agree. Hey, let's go pick up a cheesecake and head back to my place and play some gin, I'll even put on the good tea.
Agnes and Me: Sounds good, as long as you're buying!
Betty: Eh. What the hell, let's roll.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Oh God, the insanity of some people just blows my mind! And yes, I am officially blind now. Fortunately, I trained Maxine to use her little puppy paws on the keyboard in case I ever lost my sight. Here you go, Maxy girl, there's a sausage for you, oh and a dog treat too...
Pearl of Wisdom: Nothing is funnier than the site of a naked man.
From 2006 to 2007 my breasts dropped 3/4 of an inch. Now, I have the measuring tape in my hand so if you excuse me, I can't do this in front of the computer...
Holy Toledo! I only dropped 1/4th of an inch from 2007! YES!
I need to do something wild to celebrate! I am going out to party! Hey, maybe I'll hit up one of those singles bars and pick up a man! That would make my husband turn in his grave for sure!
Or... I could just go to the kitchen, brew the Vanilla flavored Nescafe and put in two extra lumps!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
I love my cheese. I love my pepperoni, I love my butter, and yes, I love my steaks. But the trick is, I only eat these foods once a week at most and I always alternate the foods every other week.
Thank God for I can't Believe It's Not Butter!
We're talking 98 cent bread, 48 cent canned goods, 48 cent yogurt, 99 cent Cottonelle tissue paper, 2.28 for Doritos, 7.99 Centrum Supplements, 99 cent/lb pork riblets, and 10 ears of corn for a dollar!
As someone who eats her weight in supplements daily, the Centrum alone is worth the trip!
WIFE MARRIED TO A CHEATER FINDS RIGHT RING FOR DIVORCE
DEAR ABBY: I am a 45-year-old woman with two daughters, ages 20 and 23. I married my high school sweetheart, "Cooper." I had heard rumors that Cooper had strayed from time to time, but had no evidence to back it up, and, of course, he denied it.
I went by my husband's office one day to surprise him, and his new secretary informed me that Cooper had just taken his wife to lunch at a local bistro! I went right over there and found them whispering, kissing and feeding each other. I did not make a scene. When Cooper arrived home that evening, I confronted him. He tried to deny it. I called him a liar and he slapped me! (A first.) He moved out that night, and I filed for divorce.
I pawned my wedding band and engagement ring. The clerk asked if I was going to buy a divorce ring. I had never heard of one. I searched online, found a nice one, ordered it and wear it proudly.
Cooper and his parents are livid! They say I am poking fun at him and accuse me of "promoting divorce." My friends and oldest daughter think it's cool. Some of my divorced friends have ordered rings, too. The ring is different in design, beautiful, makes me feel good and shows my independence. Should I feel guilty for wearing an identity ring like this? -- DIVORCING AND LOVING IT IN NORTH CAROLINA-------
Hell, I would have just murdered Cooper, hid the remains, and used his life insurance money to buy myself the largest diamond ring on the planet. That'll teach him to cheat!
Looks like I'll need to tithe more than ten percent if I want to have decent refreshments after I sit on a hard wood bench for an hour and a half.
At least today they used the good wine for communion.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Madge on Halloween
What's your favorite Madge entry? Post a link to it in the comment section!
Madge Sinclair your neighborhood Sassy, Gassy, Hip Old Braud
Somedays I wonder why my folks insisted on dragging me to the Episcopal church? Ah what the hell. I am too old to change religions.
But hey, even I'm not that low. Now, if you excuse me, I need to go throw a sheet over my head and scare the dickens out of the Mary Kay lady who lives next door. (That'll teach her to overcharge me on lipstick!)
I thought it was a little odd when Maxine dove under my covers. Usually she doesn't come anywhere near me after I've had Mexican food...
In other news, I am off the Beano! Dr. Feuerstein said I've been over doing it. He told me, "Madge, you live alone, there should be no reason why you can't just cut loose."
I reminded him that I have a young pug named Maxine who's nose is highly sensitive, but then again, she knows how to bury that nose in a box of Bounce fabric softener, which usually does the trick.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Those two old birds won't know what hit them. Their eyesight has worsened, and their memory isn't worth a dime! Ha ha! Madge will get them good this year!
A sassy, gassy, hip, old Braud from Kansas City cuts loose on the internet.