Sunday, January 27, 2008

Hawaii truly is heaven on earth, but gosh it's pricey here!

Aloha children! I am sitting in an internet cafe and I only have a few minutes. They are vicious with the time slots so I can't talk long. Betty, Agnes, and I are having the time of our lives! We went to the beach, toured all the historical sites, hit up every gift shop on the island, and drank enough alcohol to give a herd of buffalo a high! My son gave me his digital camera and I am taking a lot of pictures, I will try to post some when I return home. I called in about Maxine, and she is doing fine, she has a lot of puppy love!

Ok now, if you all excuse me I need to go get the sand out of my wrinkles. Aloha!

Sunday, January 13, 2008

I'm Old, I'm supposed to be colorful.

Hello children. Sorry I have not kept in touch, but my internet was down and it took them a week to send the fat technician with the huge butt crack falling out of his jeans to come and fix my internet.

I also need to tell you and I am going on a month long vacation with Betty and Agnes! Agnes won an all expenses paid trip to Hawaii! Our plane leaves tomorrow so I am skipping church to pack up today!

Now let's see, I had my son pick up Maxine, he will look after her for me. I have packed my Beano, Preparation H, sun tan lotion, skimpy bikini underwear (I might as well have fun by laying out on the beach and scaring off a bunch of 20 somethings!)

I am so excited! I will finally be able to have one of those pretty umbrella drinks and I can stuff a 20 down some handsome young man's G-String! ALOHA!

We'll be back on Feb 28th. Don't wait up!

Friday, January 4, 2008

Good Gawd!

It's colder than a witch's teat out there!

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Olive Garden with the gals.

Well children today I had lunch with Betty and Agnes at the Olive Garden. It has been awhile since we all got together. The girls were out of town visiting their kids for the holidays while I enjoyed a mostly quiet holiday at home with Maxine. It was nice to celebrate the new year with them at the Olive garden.

Which reminds me, I need to write them a thank you letter. After griping to them about their stale garlic bread for two years they finally improved the quality. See? What did I tell you? The bitchy wheel gets the grease...eventually.

Today at lunch we talked about our resolutions. Betty decided to take up pottery again, while Agnes has resolved to be the first 80 year old on the moon. (I'm going to take her to the planetarium next time they do a film on the moon, she won't know the difference.)

As for my resolution, I have decided to stop wearing bikini underwear. Every time I do, it gets stuck in my behind and then I spend the next forty minutes trying to fish it out. I am not getting any younger you know, so I have to make sacrifices in order to keep living life on easy street.

Happy New Year!

A sassy, gassy, hip, old Braud from Kansas City cuts loose on the internet.