Tuesday, February 24, 2009


I swear to God, I am never dating again, children! After seeing Murray for a couple of weeks I learned the truth about him. First of all, Sylvia never had the flu last month when she missed our monthly senior dance at the center. She stayed home because Murray had dumped her. Sylvia doesn't have a dime to her name and when Murray found that out, he dropped her like a sack of potatoes.

Then, after Murray learned that I am loaded, he came onto me like white on rice. No wonder he was so sweet and charming and talked about taking a weekend cruise in the Bahamas. That crooked old fart was only after my purse strings and not after my G strings!

This last week I learned the truth. Old Betty, the gossip queen of the center, overheard Murray talking to his buddy Ed about how he's going to live on easy street now that he found a "Braud who has more money than God!" That Schmuck! So, at our final date, I dumped him, and he wouldn't accept it. I told him we're through, and he said is not taking that for an answer. So I said, "Fine! Then take THIS for an answer!" And I hit him in the groin with my purse.

Listen kids, I didn't burn my bra in the 1960s only to be taken advantaged by some old geezer who has his sight set on my retirement money. That money is for ME, ME, ME, dammit!

Now if you excuse me, I need to go eat the last slice of cheesecake while I watch "The Young and the Restless."

Maybe I'll get lucky and see Murray hanging from the flagpole by his pants!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Hi kids.

How are you all? Well, I am excited because for the first time since my husband died, I have a date for the senior center's Valentine's evening ball! And yes, you guessed right, it's Murray! He's all mine - I only had to push that tramp Sylvia down a flight of stairs to win him over!

Murray hinted that he would try to ply me with wine and take advantage of me at the ball, but I told him, no chance in hell....at least not until AFTER we've eaten the roast beef dinner and the chocolate mousse that they are preparing! Fine food first, then physical pleasure, that's my motto!

Happy Valentine's Day!

A sassy, gassy, hip, old Braud from Kansas City cuts loose on the internet.