Well Good morning to you too, Boss!

So this morning I was running 15 minutes late thanks to the damn bus system, and Carl, the primary office clerk decided to gripe to me about it:

Carl: Madge, you were supposed to be in at 8 o'clock!
Me: Oh lighten up, it's not my fault that damn bus was late!
Carl: I don't want your excuses! You could have drove in today.
Me: The hell you say! Have you seen the gas prices lately?! Do you want to fill my tank?!
Carl: Look, just be grateful you still have your job!
Me: Listen, Queenie, you should thank your lucky stars that I was even able to get out of bed today at my age!
Carl: Just don't be late again, ok?!
Me: Or what? You'll fire me?! Ha!

So yes, now I need some Nescafe. Carl hasn't always been like this, but ever since his boyfriend dumped him he's turned into Roseanne Barr...sheesh! Now, excuse me, but I'm gonna go ask her highness where they put my damn creamer!

Well it finally cooled down out there.

I don't know about the rest of you, but in Kansas City we've been having some humid weather despite that fact that autumn began last week. But I think the weather is finally realizing it is time for cooler weather. I have the kitchen windows open, and the breeze is refreshing.

I am currently enjoying a nice hot cup of decaffeinated Nescafe with a slice of cheesecake. It's been a Sunday with bad church music, bingo, and a free dinner from my crazy girlfriends. All and all, not a bad way to end the weekend.

Now tomorrow I need to be at the church at 8 so I can leave by noon to go do my fall shopping. Each year around this time, I like to go out and purchase fall scented candles, like pumpkin and apple pie. I also purchase those small gourds and pumpkins as well as multi-colored corn to create my fall arrangements for the living room. I have to tell you all, that aside from Halloween, autumn is my favorite time of year. Even though I can't stand Halloween, I still buy candy and pass it out, of course, with lots of pranks and mean tricks because those kids are so spoiled they never have to work for anything. Well granny always makes them work for that candy! Gee, maybe this is why I always end up with egg on my car and porch! And one year they toilet papered my front yard maple! Kids...go figure!

I love Sunday Bingo!

Because not only do the girls and I get to have some gambling fun, we always have a bet every week that whoever gets the least amount of bingos has to pay for dinner! Well today Betty only had one, Agnes had ten (four of which were actual bingos) and I had six in a row!

I walked away with 200 bucks and a free meal, now that is what I call recreation!

Good Lord!

I just can't stand that new organist! For the last several Sundays he has played loud, boisterous pieces that sound worse than nails on a chalkboard! Oh well, at least the sermon was a good one: on loving your neighbors and helping those in need. It's a message we all need to hear time and again.

Now, I need to get going, Agnes, Betty, and I are off to St. Ann's to play bingo!

Oh Brother...

So my son James, just emailed me about Thanksgiving. Looks like grandma's going to be breaking her back again this year. And to make matters worse, he sends me a list of foods he and Dana would like me to prepare. But that's not all... He sends me a picture of the food he wants prepared, just in case I am too blind to read the email! Why that little...

So here is the photograph for you all to gawk at:

It sure looks delicious, but do I look like Sara Lee?! I just now sent him the following response:


Dear James,

I received your request of what I need to cook for Thanksgiving. I don't think the turkey in the picture you sent me is big enough. Here, I found a picture of an even bigger bird...


Do you think this will be enough food for everyone?

Love,

Maw.

Thank God for caller ID...

My crazy nut-job daughter in-law Dana called again. She must know I won 5,000 dollars on the scratch off tickets! Why is it everytime I come into some extra money my kids' spouses are the ones who call asking for this or that! Are my kids THAT afraid of asking me for money themselves? (I guess I raised them a little TOO well, ha ha!!!!)

Note to self: give James a paddling for allowing his wife to bug me non-stop!!!

One year anniversary is next month!

Can you believe it, children? Next month marks one year since I've gone online?! It has been quite a year, hasn't it. I've drank a lot, eaten a lot, cut loose a lot, and I've even bitched a lot, but hey, I'm old, I have earned my right, dammit!

How did this blog start? Well, my niece was the first one who told me about "blogging" which I passed off as some new crazy fad that kids were into these days. But when my niece was over last October, she showed me how easy it was. By then, I had had the internet for a month, but all I knew how to do was access news websites. (I am a news junkie.) So with her help I had this blog initially set up, but it was my darling son who showed me how to add all the goodies I have on the site. So after a couple hours of painful note taking, I started learning more about this wonderful website. I still go by my notes when I add pictures to my entries, hey, I forget a lot of things in my old age, and I sure as hell don't want to forget how to update my blog, because if I do, well, the blog world will be a much worse place without a crazy gassy Braud who loves wine and cheesecake.

Happy Anniversary everyone! I hope you like the new design I chose to commemorate a year of gas, Beano, rotten tricks, sassy remarks, and drooling over Kevin Costner's buns!

Now pass the damn Beano, that chicken salad is starting to repeat on me!

~Madge

P.S. You can now become a "follower" of my page, how lovely!

They called that a debate?

I was so disappointed by the damned debate! Both McCain and Obama are full of decade old crap in my opinion but at least they could have put on a better show! I was not impressed with the pathetic jabs they took at each other, and they didn't try to cover up their own behinds when they called each other out on their garbage! Bah humbug!

Honestly I am far more concerned over the fact that the government wants to give 700 billion dollars to bail out CEOs rather than using that money to help people pay off their enormous debts. I tell you kids, another Great Depression is possibly on the horizon! I don't know if I can go back to eating pickled cardboard, but I did it once, I'll do it again. If I still had my shot gun, I'd hobble on over to Washington and clean up this country!

I have a new T-Shirt Idea!

I have a new T-Shirt idea:

I'm BLOATED!
Consider Yourself Warned!

Ha! Ha! Isn't that brilliant?! I could become more famous than the Gap!

I need to get going...

I have a ten o'clock appointment with Prunella my Avon lady. Did I tell you, she opened her own beauty parlor down by Main? She received her cosmetology license last month and she secured a nice little place to open her shop. I went down on Saturday to see her grand opening and I must say, she really went all out. I asked her if she was still going to sell Avon, and she said yes, but she will only sell it at the shop. I was relieved. I love their hand creams, so now I can just go down there after work and pick up my Avon products and gossip with all the other old ladies in town.

Prunella hired two younger gals, one to cut hair, and the other does nails. Where she found these two brilliant stylists, I'll never know. The shop is fairly spacious, and the property owner gave her an exceptional deal on her rent, I guess they've been trying to find someone to rent out the retail space for quite some time. Well, enough jabbering, I need to take Maxine for a walk and then I better head down to Prunella's for my full makeover! (Yes, she promised me the Works: Facial, Manicure, Hair coloring and styling all for 50 bucks!)