Friday, November 2, 2007

Going to the Movies...

Well today is Betty's 71st birthday, which means I had to book it to CVS and get her one of those Maxine birthday cards that joke about old age, sagging wrinkled tits, and loss of control over bowel functions. This evening Agnes and I are treating Betty to the Olive Garden. (This means I'll need to load up on Tums and of course, I always keep my Beano stash on me.)

After dinner we are going to see that new film about Queen Elizabeth I. Honestly I must admit I am looking forward to seeing it. And this, my dears, comes from an old lady who hates movies in general. I especially hate going to the theater and here's why:

1. I always gag on popcorn kernals and cough all throughout the film.
2. If I drink their large sodas, I end up stuck on the can during the movie.
3. The theaters smell like sock sweat.
4. Movies all suck, especially in the last ten years.
5. You never see Kevin Costner's ass on the big screen anymore.
6. I could eat for a week on what it costs to buy the damn tickets.
7. People's phones ring non-stop, so I can never hear anything.
8. People slobber on me when they eat, and then they proceed to belch in my hearing aides.
9. People cut loose thinking no one will notice.
10. I'd rather read the smut in a trashy romance novel than to see it in too much detail on the big screen...

So Betty better like this birthday celebration or else I'll kick the old Braud down a flight of stairs. Happy Birthday, Betty.

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A sassy, gassy, hip, old Braud from Kansas City cuts loose on the internet.