Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Prunella DeVille...

Literally. Today not one, but TWO sales women came to my door, at ONCE! Prunella, my Avon Lady, and that damn pesky Mary Kay women, Jane, with that ridiculous smile that makes me want to set my hair on fire, both showed up at my door. As soon as Prunella heard Jane talking about my "interest" in some hand creams, Prunella snapped. "So THIS is why you haven't called in months, eh?"

No, Prunella, dear. I haven't called in months because that cream you sold me made me break out in hives! This got Jane all excited so she proceeded to inform the two of us that Mary Kay doesn't break anyone out (Ha! Just go look at my niece, Sarah, after she uses Mary Kay!). Jane proceeds to invite Prunella and myself to join the Mary Kay "opportunity". Prunella scoffed. "I'm sorry, but I refuse to go around like a 1960s oppressed housewife hyped up on pink pride." And I said, "I'm sorry, Jane, sweetie, I am too damn old to be sucked into a cult that requires you to smile till it fucking hurts."

At this point, Jane just smiled even bigger, and proceeded to tell us that Mary Kay is every woman's dream come true. Well Jane, if that were true, I'd a become a lesbian long ago.

Thank God I faked that heart attack, otherwise I never would have gotten rid of those two hams! Note to sales ladies: GO AWAY AND DON'T COME BACK!

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A sassy, gassy, hip, old Braud from Kansas City cuts loose on the internet.