Dear Abby, You're losing it...

TODAY'S DEAR ABBY...

DEAR ABBY: I recently entertained a childhood friend as a houseguest. It was our first visit in many years. After she left, I noticed several treasured heirlooms were missing -- a hand-blown glass horse sculpture and a bowl from a prominent glass company in Italy. I had hand-carried those pieces home from Italy as gifts for my parents, who have since died. They were the only things that I had from my parents, and they are irreplaceable.

I heard my friend talk about "getting" items from work. Even though I was shocked, I said nothing. I can't prove that she took the sculpture and bowl, but they were here before she came and gone after her departure. No one else has been in my home. What should I do? -- NO MORE INVITATIONS

DEAR NO MORE INVITATIONS: Your childhood friend may be a kleptomaniac, or jealous of the life you have lived and took the items as a way to "even the score." One way to get your things back would be to pay the woman an unexpected visit and retrieve the items to which she helped herself. Do not go unaccompanied.

If you have photographs of the sculpture and the bowl displayed in your home, not only would they be "proof" of what she took, they could also be helpful for insuring other items of value.

***

Abby, Abby, Abby. Bad advice. What you do, No More Invitations is call up your childhood friend and ask her to come visit again--only this time you set out all the nice antiques you own and attach a car battery to each one. That way, not only will you be able to see if she's stealing your things, you'll also get to shock the hell out of that klepto witch and she won't be doing that again...

Ah, nothing like a psychotic old lady full of great revenge ideas...