Guess who's on facebook?!

Me, of course! Ha ha! How are you kids doing? I am doing fine. Church activities are keeping me busy, I have not much time to update. I miss you all. I'll write soon.

Love,

Madge

Can't I go out for breakfast without losing it afterwards?

This morning I went to Einstein Bagel Brothers for their six cheese bagel with the onion and chives cream cheese. (To die for!) Well as I was eating, this young couple left the establishment and went out to the parking lot. They started kissing each other in such a way that Phil Donahue himself would blush.

Had it not been winter they probably would have torn each other's clothes off and went at it then and there. Disgusting! Can't an old lady eat her breakfast without testing her gag reflex?

And to make matters worse, at church they served us the cheap crummy wine at communion. Dammit I am Episcopalian, we deserve only the best wines in honor of Christ!

I miss Hawaii, sheesh!

Guess Who's Back?

Hello Children!

Madge is back from Hawaii! Betty, Agnes, and I had a wonderful time! But Lord, kids, it's cold here in Kansas City. And we have snow. Looks like I better have the cab take me back to the airport so I can go back to paradise.

Maxine was so happy to see me that she peed on my shoes several times. Dogs. They are just so darned cute. Ok, I need to unwind with some tea. I'll unpack tomorrow and hopefully I can have my son over to help me post some photos on here for you all to enjoy.

It's good to be home! If only we didn't have to have all this cold weather! Gah!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Hi Kids,

Grandma Madge here. My time in Hawaii is winding down, and that's ok with me. I am anxious to get home. It will be nice to relax without having to shake the sand out of my wrinkles. That is a difficult chore and I usually need Agnes and Betty there to help me in case I miss a spot.

Well tonight we are having a Valentine's Luau with plenty of hot natives wearing next to nothing. I will be stuffing all of my remaining twenties in their G-Strings. Hey, it's Valentine's Day and my husband is dead, can't I have even a little fun?!

This is too adorable.

This is too adorable. I love how the momma rat is showing the calendar change for the baby rats. Too cute! Well, Happy Year of the Rat everyone! Be sure to write to the president, since this is the year the Chinese celebrate the Bush family, the most famous rats of all.

Absentee voting is great.

I voted late last month...from the beach! I am sad that we'll have to come back to Missouri at the end of the month, you know I am having so much fun down here. But I do miss you all so very much. I wish I could spend more time on the internet, but these snotty internet cafe clerks don't like to help an old Braud serf the web. Oh well. I still grabbed their crotches and stuffed some money in their drawers--much to their horror!

I hope Obama gets the nomination. I like his style. Agnus voted for Hillary, and Betty voted for McCain. Aren't we the funniest trio in the history of old age?

Hawaii truly is heaven on earth, but gosh it's pricey here!

Aloha children! I am sitting in an internet cafe and I only have a few minutes. They are vicious with the time slots so I can't talk long. Betty, Agnes, and I are having the time of our lives! We went to the beach, toured all the historical sites, hit up every gift shop on the island, and drank enough alcohol to give a herd of buffalo a high! My son gave me his digital camera and I am taking a lot of pictures, I will try to post some when I return home. I called in about Maxine, and she is doing fine, she has a lot of puppy love!

Ok now, if you all excuse me I need to go get the sand out of my wrinkles. Aloha!

I'm Old, I'm supposed to be colorful.

Hello children. Sorry I have not kept in touch, but my internet was down and it took them a week to send the fat technician with the huge butt crack falling out of his jeans to come and fix my internet.

I also need to tell you and I am going on a month long vacation with Betty and Agnes! Agnes won an all expenses paid trip to Hawaii! Our plane leaves tomorrow so I am skipping church to pack up today!

Now let's see, I had my son pick up Maxine, he will look after her for me. I have packed my Beano, Preparation H, sun tan lotion, skimpy bikini underwear (I might as well have fun by laying out on the beach and scaring off a bunch of 20 somethings!)

I am so excited! I will finally be able to have one of those pretty umbrella drinks and I can stuff a 20 down some handsome young man's G-String! ALOHA!

We'll be back on Feb 28th. Don't wait up!

Good Gawd!

It's colder than a witch's teat out there!

Olive Garden with the gals.

Well children today I had lunch with Betty and Agnes at the Olive Garden. It has been awhile since we all got together. The girls were out of town visiting their kids for the holidays while I enjoyed a mostly quiet holiday at home with Maxine. It was nice to celebrate the new year with them at the Olive garden.

Which reminds me, I need to write them a thank you letter. After griping to them about their stale garlic bread for two years they finally improved the quality. See? What did I tell you? The bitchy wheel gets the grease...eventually.

Today at lunch we talked about our resolutions. Betty decided to take up pottery again, while Agnes has resolved to be the first 80 year old on the moon. (I'm going to take her to the planetarium next time they do a film on the moon, she won't know the difference.)

As for my resolution, I have decided to stop wearing bikini underwear. Every time I do, it gets stuck in my behind and then I spend the next forty minutes trying to fish it out. I am not getting any younger you know, so I have to make sacrifices in order to keep living life on easy street.

Happy New Year!