Oh Gosh!

I miss you already! Well, the good news, kids, is that I am not going away forever. I just don't have time to write to you all. But, feel free to read my past letters to you all about my crazy life. And keep me abreast with how you all are doing! I read your comments and enjoy hearing from you. I'll try to post something next month about my birthday, which is coming up soon, so break out the cake, Chippendale dancers, and wine!

Love you, dears!


~Madge

Well...

It's been a damn near month since I have written to you, children! Sorry, but old ladies have lives too, you know (unless you're Agnes, who now thinks she is Cleopatra reincarnated).

So here's the ropes, kids:

I've been busy planting my bulbs. Tulips, Irises, and Hyacinths, oh my! Yes, spring is here, and so is allergy season. My allergies are not so bad, and it could be worse, I could be Betty who is allergic to everything but pollen (how that woman gets by, Lord only knows!)

Murray stopped coming to the senior center all together. Everyone shunned him for what he did to me, oh ok, that's a lie, he's dead. Heart attack in the middle of gin rummy, never saw it coming. The poor dote. He made have broke my heart, but I could never wish him any harm, I don't care if I am the bitchiest old woman in the Midwest! So rest in peace, Murray. I hope you don't break any old lady hearts in heaven, or God will get you.

On a lighter note, Dana, my pregnant daughter in law is beginning to have lower back pains! (I love my grandchild already!!!) She won't be due till probably September or so, which means my darling little grandchild will continue to give her a couple of extra kicks for granny! (see, told you I am the bitchiest old woman in the Midwest!)

Now, my dears, where were we? Oh yes, catching up! Well Maxine's fine, I'm fine, you're fine, we're all fine. Now goodbye, I got to go catch the news!

Love,

Madge

Well it's the last day of January...

Which means tomorrow is February, which means, we only have a month and 21 days left of winter, YEEHAW!

Here's a little joke for you.

What do you call a power-abusing money-hungry scoundral? Governor!

Ha ha!

Congrats to the people of Illinois, your state Senate will put your crooked governor on trial. I hope that scum gets removed, I do not like any dirty dishonest politician regardless of their party affiliation!

Meanwhile...

I had to take Maxine to the vet today, which means I had to drive today. It is 65 degrees and sunny outside so I don't mind, but still, I HATE driving, it stresses me out!

Tonight when I get home I need to make a bag of popcorn so that I can watch the Newshour with Jim Lehrer to learn more about the scandulous politics of my neighboring state, Illinois.

Sorry Kids!

I know I have not been on here in awhile. I had all four of my kids in town this last week and the last one didn't leave until yesterday. I have cooked, cleaned, shopped, talked, drank a ton of wine, and played gin rummy for the past 7 days straight! I drank so much wine after learning that Steve and Dana are planning on moving to Kansas City so that they can raise their kid near me. They want their baby to be around grandma (so they can get away with dumping all the hard work off on me!) I thought Dana was unusually nice this time around. I've heard of women changing completely when they get pregnant, but I never expected my conniving, sniveling, whining kvetch of a daughter-in-law to suddenly change into this kind, courteous, happy kind of gal. (Honestly, I feel like she was setting me up for a hit!)

Anyways, I've been in bed all day, and even though it is late, I just can't fall asleep. I need to go make myself a hot toddy, that always does the trick for me. Plus it will knock this slight cold I have out of me. I have lunch tomorrow with Agnes and Betty, and I am sure they too must be exhausted from Thanksgiving. Betty has six kids and they always stay with her instead of a hotel. Agnes has three kids, but they never come around, but lucky for her she is old and senile so she thinks she has company anyways. Besides, two of her kids are locked in a vendetta with each other, so we don't need to get blood on Agnes' nice rugs. (When the Italians say vendetta, they MEAN vendetta!)

Ok, I am getting tired, so I best be getting off here to sip on my hot toddy and dream about squeezing Kevin Kostner's tush. I have been having a major hot flash day, and right now I could almost hump a tree! If only I'd meet a man my age who still had the ability to go at it all night!! Lord have mercy!