Well my dears...

I hardly come on here any more. The truth is, I am an old lady and I forget things. Ok, the real truth is I decided to cancel my internet service at home to save money. Thanks to this recession, my retirement funds have shrunk, and my late husband's 401 K payments have been cut back, so I am cutting back on things I don't need.

I have been without internet for a couple of months now and I don't miss it. I have my steamy novels, my little Maxine, my free digital TV (I FINALLY broke down and bought that damn box they were advertising and my son installed it for me). And I have my cellular phone, Betty, Agnes, and all of you. But lately, it's been much harder to come here to the library to use the internet to write about what I have been doing.

So, much to my sadness, I have decided that for now, this is going to be the last time I write to you all. A little old lady has a busy life too. From volunteering to lunch with the gals, I have a full schedule. Plus, I am a regular usher at the parish, so I am a busy old Braud. I love you all so dearly and I am so glad you have become my friends, even if it is over the internet.

Perhaps one of these days I will come back and catch you all up on my life, but for now, my dear sweet gems, I must say goodbye.

Love always,

Madge Geraldine Sinclair


UPDATE: I will try to post on here once a month at least. I know it would be too hard if I never came back. I can't do that to you kids, especially since none of you are related to me...

Well...

It's been a damn near month since I have written to you, children! Sorry, but old ladies have lives too, you know (unless you're Agnes, who now thinks she is Cleopatra reincarnated).

So here's the ropes, kids:

I've been busy planting my bulbs. Tulips, Irises, and Hyacinths, oh my! Yes, spring is here, and so is allergy season. My allergies are not so bad, and it could be worse, I could be Betty who is allergic to everything but pollen (how that woman gets by, Lord only knows!)

Murray stopped coming to the senior center all together. Everyone shunned him for what he did to me, oh ok, that's a lie, he's dead. Heart attack in the middle of gin rummy, never saw it coming. The poor dote. He made have broke my heart, but I could never wish him any harm, I don't care if I am the bitchiest old woman in the Midwest! So rest in peace, Murray. I hope you don't break any old lady hearts in heaven, or God will get you.

On a lighter note, Dana, my pregnant daughter in law is beginning to have lower back pains! (I love my grandchild already!!!) She won't be due till probably September or so, which means my darling little grandchild will continue to give her a couple of extra kicks for granny! (see, told you I am the bitchiest old woman in the Midwest!)

Now, my dears, where were we? Oh yes, catching up! Well Maxine's fine, I'm fine, you're fine, we're all fine. Now goodbye, I got to go catch the news!

Love,

Madge

Men...!

I swear to God, I am never dating again, children! After seeing Murray for a couple of weeks I learned the truth about him. First of all, Sylvia never had the flu last month when she missed our monthly senior dance at the center. She stayed home because Murray had dumped her. Sylvia doesn't have a dime to her name and when Murray found that out, he dropped her like a sack of potatoes.

Then, after Murray learned that I am loaded, he came onto me like white on rice. No wonder he was so sweet and charming and talked about taking a weekend cruise in the Bahamas. That crooked old fart was only after my purse strings and not after my G strings!

This last week I learned the truth. Old Betty, the gossip queen of the center, overheard Murray talking to his buddy Ed about how he's going to live on easy street now that he found a "Braud who has more money than God!" That Schmuck! So, at our final date, I dumped him, and he wouldn't accept it. I told him we're through, and he said is not taking that for an answer. So I said, "Fine! Then take THIS for an answer!" And I hit him in the groin with my purse.

Listen kids, I didn't burn my bra in the 1960s only to be taken advantaged by some old geezer who has his sight set on my retirement money. That money is for ME, ME, ME, dammit!

Now if you excuse me, I need to go eat the last slice of cheesecake while I watch "The Young and the Restless."

Maybe I'll get lucky and see Murray hanging from the flagpole by his pants!

Hi kids.

How are you all? Well, I am excited because for the first time since my husband died, I have a date for the senior center's Valentine's evening ball! And yes, you guessed right, it's Murray! He's all mine - I only had to push that tramp Sylvia down a flight of stairs to win him over!

Murray hinted that he would try to ply me with wine and take advantage of me at the ball, but I told him, no chance in hell....at least not until AFTER we've eaten the roast beef dinner and the chocolate mousse that they are preparing! Fine food first, then physical pleasure, that's my motto!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Well it's the last day of January...

Which means tomorrow is February, which means, we only have a month and 21 days left of winter, YEEHAW!

Ah winter...

Such a peaceful season! Thank the good Lord my home has a fire place, a gas fire place, so it's easy to manage. Today it's about 23 degrees out there, which to me is very cold. Today I have stayed in all day with Maxine drinking Ovaltine, knitting, reading, and planning out my day tomorrow.

Tomorrow I am going to the early service, and then I need to report to the senior center since it's my Sunday to do meals on wheels for our shut-ins. I love visiting the shut-ins, we swap stories and recipes, and we play cards till sunset. It's against the center's policy, but I always sneak in some wine for everyone. Hey, nothing like some wine, cards, and laughter to brighten up what otherwise can be a miserable existence. I feel very lucky that I can still live at home and do whatever the hell I want to at my age.

I encourage all of you, dear children, to go visit the elderly in your area. A lot of us have no one anymore and it's really disheartening. You have no idea how much joy you can bring into these peoples' lives until you go out and visit them. It makes a real difference.

Happy Saturday!

Madge.

Out with the old!

Hallelujah, Bush's reign of terror is over! That scum bucket has flushed our country down the drain! And now he will get to retire alongside his oil buddies whom he and Cheney helped to become the richest men in the world. You boys can have your money because you and your billions will burn in hell!

Meanwhile, I welcome President Obama! I have one thing to say to Obama besides congratulations: You screw up in your first term and I'll wring your neck!

Oh how I ache!

The dance yesterday went very well, with the exception that I sprained my ankle doing the Bunny Hop. But hell, it was worth it, I got to dance with Murray! That vamp Sylvia didn't even show up to the dance, it turns out, she has the flu!!! Ha ha! Revenge! So I danced two hours with Murray until he had to run to the washroom (apparently, the Chicken ala King repeated on him).

Agnes and Betty helped me into bed yesterday, and I put ice on my ankle which has swollen a little, but now it is doing better. If I don't feel better by this afternoon, I am going to call Betty and ask her to take me to see Dr. Fein.

Wish me luck kids!

Who is sassy, gassy, and full of old world charm?!

Me, of course! Well today I have an exciting event to attend at the senior center: The Annual Winter Luncheon and Dance-a-thon! The lunch starts at 12, and the dancing starts at 2, giving us all enough time to pop our Beanos and our arthritis medications to cut a rug on the dance floor!

I am hoping this year I'll get to dance with Murray, he's a 77 year old retired accountant who is still very handsome, and every year I try to dance with him, Sylvia always cuts in. (She is notorious at the center for being the vamp of elderly folks).

Aside from Murray, the luncheon menu this year will feature Chicken ala King, asparagus, reduced-salt mashed potatoes with reduced salt, low fat gravy (what an insult!), and for dessert, prune danish! Agnes and Betty are supposed to pick me up in an hour and fifteen minutes, and my hair is still in curlers, so kids, I need to run for now.

Have a great day!

Here's a little joke for you.

What do you call a power-abusing money-hungry scoundral? Governor!

Ha ha!

Congrats to the people of Illinois, your state Senate will put your crooked governor on trial. I hope that scum gets removed, I do not like any dirty dishonest politician regardless of their party affiliation!

Meanwhile...

I had to take Maxine to the vet today, which means I had to drive today. It is 65 degrees and sunny outside so I don't mind, but still, I HATE driving, it stresses me out!

Tonight when I get home I need to make a bag of popcorn so that I can watch the Newshour with Jim Lehrer to learn more about the scandulous politics of my neighboring state, Illinois.