Updates, boy am I full of em, Hiya kids!!!

Well,

Kids, kids, kids. Long ass time no see, I know, I know, stop bitching at me. Granny has been busy playing mother to everyone she knows. So here it goes:

Agnes suffered a pretty bad stroke four weeks ago, and we almost lost her. She is partially paralyzed, but she is making amazing progress. She has spent the last four weeks in a nursing home slowly regaining her strength and learning how to talk again, the doctors said that she should be able function somewhat like her old self, but she will need to have constant assistance. Betty and I go see her everyday, and even though the three of us can't go bar hopping like we used to, we still play cards and gossip the hours away.

Dana had her baby last month, and though she was a few weeks early, my new granddaughter is beautiful, and a fighter, just like her grandma! Gosh, she is just beautiful, just beautiful, I love her so much!! My son told me that they are moving to Denver and that they want me to move there too. I am giving it serious thoughts, kids, because Kansas City is definitely experiencing more crime and it's time to move on.

I have talked this over with Betty and Agnes and the two of them cannot bear to part with me. So, the three of us decided that we will ALL move to Denver once Agnes has recovered enough to survive such a move, and we've decided that we'll share a house together. Betty said she'll tell her husband this once the move to Denver is complete...

It has been a very trying summer, dear children, and I apologize for not keeping you up to date more often. Please pray for my friend Agnes. It has been a cruel summer on her.

Blessings and peace,

Madge.

My kids are fighting again...

Only this time, since they are grown up, they are not involving me. Thank God! My kids used to fight all time, even when we lived in that big house out on Elmridge. Of course, back then it was easier to get them to stop fighting by telling them lovingly, "NOW YOU TWO QUIT FIGHTING OR ELSE YOU'LL BOTH BECOME STRANGE SMELLS IN THE ATTIC!!!!!!"

That worked right up until high school. Now, if I try, I'll fail at getting my kids to stop fighting period. I guess I could fake a heart attack here and there, but we'll see. Granny's got a scheme a cookin' right now, so stay tuned, muah hahahahaaa!

I let the militant mother in me rage today.

Kids! You won't believe my day! I have never been more pissed in my life (not even when they switched labels on my Beano!) Today, I was at the grocer's and I was in the soup aisle, when suddenly a woman and her teenage son walk passed me arguing. That teenage son had the nerve to swear at his mother...IN the grocery...WHERE everyone could hear! Oh, the names he called her, it was worse than anything I've ever heard coming out of a kid's mouth!

So, being the wise old sage that I am, I used my stern motherly voice and said, "Excuse me, young man, but if I ever hear you disrespect your mother like that again, I'll kick your snotty little tuckus till hell won't have it again!"

Then, to my surprise, the mother jumps in and defends him, saying, "Where do you get off talking to my kid like that?!"

I replied, "Listen lady, I've passed four big heads through my tiny loins, so I've earned the right to say anything I damn well please. If any of my kids ever spoke to me the way your son did to you, they would have been throttled within an inch of their lives!"

The kid told me to shut up, and I said to the mother, "Well it's nice to know the spawn of Satan is alive and well..." So I went about my shopping.

I know it's the 2000s, but seriously...

HELLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO KIDS!!!

Long time no see, how ya been? Well, to give you an update, my birthday (June 5th) was wonderful. Can you believe that I am 77 fucking years old! Gal damn already, 3 years and I hit the big 8-0! Shit! (Hey, I know you don't like hearing old ladies swear, but dammit, I've survived two world wars, Reaganomics, two Bushes, several recessions, and I grew up in the Great Depression, so dammit, I can fucking swear all I want!)

Ok, birthday was fun, Agnes (who is doing well, still idiotically naive, but fine.) and Betty (she's a republican, she's got money, so you know she's fine) took me out to lunch at Kansas City's finest restaurant and then we went to the Video Saloon to knock a few sherries back. Thank God for cabs otherwise we'd a never made it home in time to pee. Old ladies bladders only last so long!

In other news, I got Maxine a shiny new collar, I sold my car to buy a new used one, and Dana (my evil daughter in law) is due sometime in late July, early August and I can't wait to be there for the birth. I hope that kid has a huge head, it'll serve Dana right for being such a witch to me the last few years (she comes from snooty parents, oy!)

Let's see, oh, I have totally restocked my book shelf with new flashy romance novels loaded with all that steamy sex I like to read about. Well, I don't have a man, and after going through all that crap with the late Murray, I've decided to stick with my novels and let those fictitious Southern Belles have all the fun.

Now, if you excuse me I have some serious knitting to do this evening while I watch old comedies on MeTV.

Love you kids!

~Madge

Oh Gosh!

I miss you already! Well, the good news, kids, is that I am not going away forever. I just don't have time to write to you all. But, feel free to read my past letters to you all about my crazy life. And keep me abreast with how you all are doing! I read your comments and enjoy hearing from you. I'll try to post something next month about my birthday, which is coming up soon, so break out the cake, Chippendale dancers, and wine!

Love you, dears!


~Madge

Well my dears...

I hardly come on here any more. The truth is, I am an old lady and I forget things. Ok, the real truth is I decided to cancel my internet service at home to save money. Thanks to this recession, my retirement funds have shrunk, and my late husband's 401 K payments have been cut back, so I am cutting back on things I don't need.

I have been without internet for a couple of months now and I don't miss it. I have my steamy novels, my little Maxine, my free digital TV (I FINALLY broke down and bought that damn box they were advertising and my son installed it for me). And I have my cellular phone, Betty, Agnes, and all of you. But lately, it's been much harder to come here to the library to use the internet to write about what I have been doing.

So, much to my sadness, I have decided that for now, this is going to be the last time I write to you all. A little old lady has a busy life too. From volunteering to lunch with the gals, I have a full schedule. Plus, I am a regular usher at the parish, so I am a busy old Braud. I love you all so dearly and I am so glad you have become my friends, even if it is over the internet.

Perhaps one of these days I will come back and catch you all up on my life, but for now, my dear sweet gems, I must say goodbye.

Love always,

Madge Geraldine Sinclair


UPDATE: I will try to post on here once a month at least. I know it would be too hard if I never came back. I can't do that to you kids, especially since none of you are related to me...

Well...

It's been a damn near month since I have written to you, children! Sorry, but old ladies have lives too, you know (unless you're Agnes, who now thinks she is Cleopatra reincarnated).

So here's the ropes, kids:

I've been busy planting my bulbs. Tulips, Irises, and Hyacinths, oh my! Yes, spring is here, and so is allergy season. My allergies are not so bad, and it could be worse, I could be Betty who is allergic to everything but pollen (how that woman gets by, Lord only knows!)

Murray stopped coming to the senior center all together. Everyone shunned him for what he did to me, oh ok, that's a lie, he's dead. Heart attack in the middle of gin rummy, never saw it coming. The poor dote. He made have broke my heart, but I could never wish him any harm, I don't care if I am the bitchiest old woman in the Midwest! So rest in peace, Murray. I hope you don't break any old lady hearts in heaven, or God will get you.

On a lighter note, Dana, my pregnant daughter in law is beginning to have lower back pains! (I love my grandchild already!!!) She won't be due till probably September or so, which means my darling little grandchild will continue to give her a couple of extra kicks for granny! (see, told you I am the bitchiest old woman in the Midwest!)

Now, my dears, where were we? Oh yes, catching up! Well Maxine's fine, I'm fine, you're fine, we're all fine. Now goodbye, I got to go catch the news!

Love,

Madge

Men...!

I swear to God, I am never dating again, children! After seeing Murray for a couple of weeks I learned the truth about him. First of all, Sylvia never had the flu last month when she missed our monthly senior dance at the center. She stayed home because Murray had dumped her. Sylvia doesn't have a dime to her name and when Murray found that out, he dropped her like a sack of potatoes.

Then, after Murray learned that I am loaded, he came onto me like white on rice. No wonder he was so sweet and charming and talked about taking a weekend cruise in the Bahamas. That crooked old fart was only after my purse strings and not after my G strings!

This last week I learned the truth. Old Betty, the gossip queen of the center, overheard Murray talking to his buddy Ed about how he's going to live on easy street now that he found a "Braud who has more money than God!" That Schmuck! So, at our final date, I dumped him, and he wouldn't accept it. I told him we're through, and he said is not taking that for an answer. So I said, "Fine! Then take THIS for an answer!" And I hit him in the groin with my purse.

Listen kids, I didn't burn my bra in the 1960s only to be taken advantaged by some old geezer who has his sight set on my retirement money. That money is for ME, ME, ME, dammit!

Now if you excuse me, I need to go eat the last slice of cheesecake while I watch "The Young and the Restless."

Maybe I'll get lucky and see Murray hanging from the flagpole by his pants!

Hi kids.

How are you all? Well, I am excited because for the first time since my husband died, I have a date for the senior center's Valentine's evening ball! And yes, you guessed right, it's Murray! He's all mine - I only had to push that tramp Sylvia down a flight of stairs to win him over!

Murray hinted that he would try to ply me with wine and take advantage of me at the ball, but I told him, no chance in hell....at least not until AFTER we've eaten the roast beef dinner and the chocolate mousse that they are preparing! Fine food first, then physical pleasure, that's my motto!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Well it's the last day of January...

Which means tomorrow is February, which means, we only have a month and 21 days left of winter, YEEHAW!